Cracks in the Mirror

 

We can fall into the delusion that the "outside" world is what creates our problems. But the truth is that the source of all our suffering is the ego, stemming from the games the ego plays. And what is it? It is the limited, isolated, illusory self, not seeing beyond its own nose. The inner saboteur keeping us locked in the "dark dungeons" of our own mind.

The ego has a vital function. It is what, like a moving camera, shows us what is happening in the external world. Without it, we would have no awareness of things. As long as we have a physical body, we must have an ego. The problem is that it gets out of control.

The ego should simply be like a courier delivering messages to our conscious mind. Instead, we allow it to open our letters, read them, and tell us how to respond. And not only that, but we also let it choose which letters to show us!
We elevate the ego to a position for which it is incompetent.
Our task is to understand our ego so we can recognize its inflated tirades and babbling. It is a slippery buyer, transforming in various ways; we must be able to penetrate beneath its masks because beyond the ego lies our true, unlimited self.

Getting angry over trivialities, feeling fear and anxiety, feeling desperate, helpless, and hopeless, feeling offended and guilty, seeking approval and admiration, taking things personally, criticizing and judging others, feeling empty and unsatisfied, swinging from one mood to another, feeling pressured by time and compelled, striving to be perfect, worrying about appearance and social success, focusing solely on goals and outcomes, clinging to the past, fearing change, worrying about failure, humiliation, and rejection, competing instead of cooperating, being manipulative, harming and abusing others, being rigid and unyielding, being unable to live in the present moment, being addicted to alcohol and drugs, being dependent on something, desperately seeking love and security, wanting to be "special" to someone, feeling that life is useless and meaningless, taking ourselves too seriously, waiting for the "external" world to be fixed so we can feel okay... all these feelings and experiences are driven by the ego.
The ego is quite confused by the idea of equality. It simply cannot grasp that we are all unique but equal. Everything must be compared and evaluated as either "better" or "worse" than its alternatives. The ego wants us to develop talents and accumulate knowledge, not for the pure joy and challenge of playing the accordion, reading a book, writing, dancing, painting, changing the interior design of our home... but to receive flattery and admiration from others. The ego wants a romantic relationship solely to feel "special" to someone – it is not driven by the desire to give love and establish true intimacy, sharing, and mutual creativity in life. The ego cannot love; it is afraid of love. It is selfish and arrogant. Filled with illusions of its own grandeur. Its driving force is to be fed and to satisfy the desire to feel superior to others, to be distinct from the rest, to feel "special."
For example, if you are drawn to metaphysics, spirituality, the occult, the magical... the ego will gladly see a playground for action and will try to convince you that this makes you "better" than others. After all, this is a new understanding of the world, a new spirituality, a new trend, a teaching... everything else is outdated, it will say... And the ego loves to preach. It loves to play games. Spiritual games are no worse than others.
In reality, of course, nothing makes us better or worse than others. We are all unique. Each of us possesses our own palette of qualities, character, abilities, and shortcomings – and if we judge others, we judge ourselves. After all, the world is a mirror. If we love ourselves unconditionally, we will not feel the need to judge others.
On the other hand, self-deprecation – the feeling that we are something less than others – is another way of expressing the ego. "Oh, I am just a nothing, trash, a worm, don't bother with me, I want to disappear, I want to be gone, to sink into the ground, I am completely useless, and why and how would anyone want to interact and be with me, I am just a neurotic...