Gratitude for the Given and the Ungiven

  In the silence of this pre-sleep room, where the walls seem to absorb the last remnants of daylight, I am overtaken by the echo of a prayer that is not merely words, but a breath, a pulsation, a fateful rhythm. Lord, I thank Thee for all that Thou givest me, and for all that Thou dost not give. This phrase is not resignation, nor is it an escape; it is the exquisite architecture of an inner liberation, in which the ego finally bows its head before the infinite. I begin to write, my pen barely touching the paper, as if I fear disturbing the fragile equilibrium of this insight, which carries simultaneously the weight of my entire life thus far and the lightness of a newborn presence. The psychoanalysis of my desire has always led me toward the abyss of lack—toward ๊ทธ primordial longing to possess, to fill the gaps, to turn the world into a mirror of my own deficits. But here, in this sacred space of faith, gratitude for that which is not given to me becomes the highest form of spi...

Alone

 


Alone in my captivity, lost in despair,
I wander, dragging my garments in air.
The weight of it all, crushing me down,
In myself, time's stopped, in silence I drown.
In timeless childhood, stolen breath by breath,
In soulful fields, where I take flight in death.
I soar and return, fueled by desire,
In dreams awakened, here I lie, a crier.
I've lost myself in my realm's dominion,
In ceaseless seeking, my relentless opinion.
Day and night blend in their passionless fight,
For my smile to bring peaceful light.
But peace in the burden, aching and sore,
A sickness from war's loads, my being tore.
Where did I lose myself, once content and calm?
In heaven's embrace, I gave up my qualm.
The birth of rain in love's tender spell,
I hide from it, run and dwell.
For it, I divide myself untroubled,
In its magic, my heart's bubbles.
The dawn of morning's feeling's here,
I return, love, seeing me clear.
I am her reflection, and she'll see me tomorrow,
I move the pieces of myself in my sorrow.
Locked, shut, torn apart and divided,
Forgotten, discarded, torn and derided.
Alone and weeping, powerless, still,
Torn apart, hopeless, with hope killed.
Will I find myself again, I wonder?
To connect my disjointed pieces and ponder.
I'll make my move and win this game,
In boundless unity, I'll know my name.
The only feeling is pain, I breathe it deep,
Accepting it, in its mission I leap.
Tasting it, feeling it, I am it, I love it,
I give birth to it, in my seeking, I covet.
Overflowing, intertwining, enclosing, I ache,
Unraveling, separating, in pouring, I wake.
From myself to myself, let it happen, I'm eternal,
In remembrance, discovered, loved, I'm internal.
Blind in seeing, in sensations, I age,
In whispers of soft words, I engage.
I commit ceaselessly to my finding, I reign,
And here, on eternity's doorstep, I'll gain.
Love, in timelessness, clad in its attire,
Wordless, silent, speaks to me in mire.
Hopelessness, impossibility, swiftly embrace,
Forgotten, alone, in soul's understanding's grace.

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