The Spiritual Alchemy of Waiting - When Loneliness Turns Into Gold and Love Becomes a State of Being

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  Morning. A little past five. The light hasn't yet decided whether it wants to be day and lingers on the edge of the curtain like a hesitation. I breathe slowly, so as not to startle it. In hours like these I understand most clearly that waiting is not emptiness , but a very quiet, almost invisible work of the soul. For years I thought I was waiting incorrectly. That I should be doing something, accelerating, fixing myself in order to be worthy of the encounter. And now it seems to me that all this time has been the spiritual alchemy of waiting and loneliness that no one ever tells you about. No one tells you that the lead of loneliness slowly turns into the gold of clarity , but not through effort, through staying. You stay. You stay in the room, in the silence, in that feeling of a slight tightening in the chest, which at first feels like lack and then turns out to be a furnace. In it, everything superfluous burns away. All the stories I told myself about who I had to be in or...

Alone

 


Alone in my captivity, lost in despair,
I wander, dragging my garments in air.
The weight of it all, crushing me down,
In myself, time's stopped, in silence I drown.
In timeless childhood, stolen breath by breath,
In soulful fields, where I take flight in death.
I soar and return, fueled by desire,
In dreams awakened, here I lie, a crier.
I've lost myself in my realm's dominion,
In ceaseless seeking, my relentless opinion.
Day and night blend in their passionless fight,
For my smile to bring peaceful light.
But peace in the burden, aching and sore,
A sickness from war's loads, my being tore.
Where did I lose myself, once content and calm?
In heaven's embrace, I gave up my qualm.
The birth of rain in love's tender spell,
I hide from it, run and dwell.
For it, I divide myself untroubled,
In its magic, my heart's bubbles.
The dawn of morning's feeling's here,
I return, love, seeing me clear.
I am her reflection, and she'll see me tomorrow,
I move the pieces of myself in my sorrow.
Locked, shut, torn apart and divided,
Forgotten, discarded, torn and derided.
Alone and weeping, powerless, still,
Torn apart, hopeless, with hope killed.
Will I find myself again, I wonder?
To connect my disjointed pieces and ponder.
I'll make my move and win this game,
In boundless unity, I'll know my name.
The only feeling is pain, I breathe it deep,
Accepting it, in its mission I leap.
Tasting it, feeling it, I am it, I love it,
I give birth to it, in my seeking, I covet.
Overflowing, intertwining, enclosing, I ache,
Unraveling, separating, in pouring, I wake.
From myself to myself, let it happen, I'm eternal,
In remembrance, discovered, loved, I'm internal.
Blind in seeing, in sensations, I age,
In whispers of soft words, I engage.
I commit ceaselessly to my finding, I reign,
And here, on eternity's doorstep, I'll gain.
Love, in timelessness, clad in its attire,
Wordless, silent, speaks to me in mire.
Hopelessness, impossibility, swiftly embrace,
Forgotten, alone, in soul's understanding's grace.

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